When I was around 13, I competed in my school's annual cross-country race. My arch-rival in the race (let's call him Hector) had been trying to get in my head months before the race started and there was a bit of excitement in the school about who would win. Generally, people felt that I was the superior runner, with a faster sprint finish.
I felt a sense of dread as the race day approached and the weight of expectation started to build. I knew that nothing short of victory would appease my teachers, parents and friends.
And so, the day of the race came. Rewind back to a freezing cold Saturday morning. Exhaling plumes of cold air through my mouth and nostrils as we waited for the starting gun. Herds of over-anxious parents stood in the fields, quietly expectant of some filial glory.
I remember we ran. Hector and I. Neck and neck over the frozen ground, each lungful of air burning. As we got ready for the final straight, I prepared myself for the sprint. And it was at that moment something changed. I saw my father on the finish line- urging me on to win. And a deep resentment bubbled up. I didn't want to be here in the freezing cold. In fact, I didn't even like cross-country. So, to the shock of the crowd, I stopped. I walked the final meters, and Hector sprinted over the finish line. I didn't even cross that line. My father, head down, turned away, walking hastily back to the car. He did not speak to me for almost a month after the race.
Many years later, when I reflected on that event, I started to wonder what the missing piece was inside of me. Where was the grit? Had stopping before the finish line become a feature of me, hardwired into my psyche? Was this going to come back and haunt me?
Then just the other day it dawned on me. The reason I didn't cross the finish line that day was because I was not doing it for me. When I dug deep, there was nothing there. Resilience and grit only really help when they are aligned with intrinsic motivation. Asking someone to push through and confront their inner demons for something they don't really believe in, or value might never work.
When we have the autonomy to set our own goals at work, we are more likely to be intrinsically motivated to achieve them. The sense of ownership in choosing and shaping a project or task makes the drive to complete it even stronger. Managers should be wary of assuming that their team members are as invested as they are in a project or task unless they have had some say in co-creating it. In other words, ownership.
Seeing things through and giving our best is essential in everything we do in life. But when the race gets tough and you have to dig deep inside, if you aren't truly invested, you might never cross the finish line.
